self reflection

Emotional addict in a relationship world.

Emotional addict in a relationship world.

As a woman and I have coached clients who still believe into over the top, emotional passionate love. I am all for it, if emotions and passion [read hormones] are not the only ones governing the relationship.

One of the most surprising discoveries, that many singles find shocking is that couples that have those stable, functional, committed relationships – love each other tenderly, however they are rather balanced, easy-going, calm and from afar appear dull and almost emotionless. No, they are not lacking emotions - they do get mad, they feel joy and sometimes even argue; however, it all happens sans drama and with mutual respect and understanding.

The intensive loneliness course.

The intensive loneliness course.

Upon stepping onto my journey of self-discovery and perfection, I found myself on the outs with majority of people close to me. They could not understand the urgency of my obsession, why did I need somebody to share my life with? They thought that I was searching for my other half, for something that was missing to be whole again, and it sure started out that way – until I faced the truth that I need to be whole in order to be whole with someone else.

Upon the journey of becoming a whole and an individual I have faced an overwhelming amount of negative emotions. The most cruel and debilitating of them all was loneliness.
To paint the picture of the intensity that loneliness manifests as I described it as “…the heart still loves. It’s open and it’s bleeding out. It’s leaking pain and hemorrhaging love; love and pain so closely intertwined”

My obsession with the one: Real Men

Labels and Masks
Hipster, metrosexual, lumbersexual, pansexual, sapiosexual, asexual... we can all pretty much imagine how each of these partners would look, sound and feel. Personality, sexuality and aesthetics are so diverse in our surroundings. Which one is in? Which is more popular? Which one will get you laid? Which one gets you a long-term partnership?
I see all of the above as labels. When you put on a label, you pigeonhole yourself within that label, to conform, relate or identify. Labels are masks. 

We create labels to stereotype and expedite the process of selection. It’s time efficient to write off a hipster, assigning him a whole bunch of traits he may not even have and move on, possibly missing out on a greatest connection of your life.
These labels and masks create a specific level of demand, and men conform driven by their most basic need, as a hunter, to reproduce. Ooh - prey. Get woman now. Camouflage - get woman!
Women have their masks too. Most of them choose their own way of becoming prey, and some of them take on a role of a hunter. In our society we have blurred the line of masculine and feminine, which tampers with polarity in couples, as there is confusion regarding which role to play.

My obsession with the one: You Are What You Attract.

his seems to be the most simple of the rules - you are what you attract. If you find yourself complaining that you never seem to be attracting good dating prospects or all the good ones are taken - what does that mean to you?
If you are what you attract, then if all the good ones are taken, does that make you the bad one?
If all your dating prospects have commitment issues, why do you think it's only them?

Early on I've asked myself a question: if I am a good person why am I unhappy?

Back then I just got out of a string of bad relationships: a narcissist, a sociopathic liar followed by a relapsed alcoholic with a borderline personality disorder (who blamed me for his relapse). I started pondering upon the quote "you are what you attract" so if I keep on attracting these men, what's my pattern? The answer was - I found these men psychologically appealing.