The intensive loneliness course.

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Upon stepping onto my journey of self-discovery and perfection, I found myself on the outs with majority of people close to me. They could not understand the urgency of my obsession, why did I need somebody to share my life with? They thought that I was searching for my other half, for something that was missing to be whole again, and it sure started out that way – until I faced the truth that I need to be whole in order to be whole with someone else.

Upon the journey of becoming a whole and an individual I have faced an overwhelming amount of negative emotions. The most cruel and debilitating of them all was loneliness.
To paint the picture of the intensity that loneliness manifests as I described it as “…the heart still loves. It’s open and it’s bleeding out. It’s leaking pain and hemorrhaging love; love and pain so closely intertwined”

It is the desire to connect. It’s the desire to connect more than just physically, mentally or emotionally. It’s a desire to have a total being meld that goes beyond sex or intelligent conversation. It’s best described as ability to be with someone in full vulnerability, see them as they are with all their quirks and still say: I get you and you’re beautiful! 

This union comes with much surrender taken in faith. And much work goes in before arriving to said point.

In order to be in full vulnerability, one must learn the boundaries of where they end and others begin. Moreover, the school of asserting the boundaries and making sure they are not walls is crucial and sensitive as it involves much confrontation and exploration of who you actually are. It requires vulnerability that is viewed by others as courage. 

To test and assert the boundaries overtime is to accept that no matter how many people will cross them - you will be ok and it’s in your power to let them in or not. That process is called accountability when regardless of other people’s actions you’re in control of how and what you feel. Furthermore, you’re willing to do to the work to maintain your safety, security and comfort.

In order to even acknowledge the little quirks - you must see them. Thus, you either have them, had them or know somebody else who does. We are all each other’s mirror. We get what we reflect, which is not always what we expect. But it is most certainly correct, and our reflection upon interaction with other people is most certainly the most important tool anyone can ever have! And yet, to see the beauty in said quirks is to accept imperfections of another and of yourself as our journey of growth is forever incomplete.

This all seems simple or maybe it seems tricky - the trick is the initial feeling, the presenting vibration. If we attract what we reflect, what is the vibration of acceptance, courage and compassion? Is it possible to achieve and sustain this vibration in loneliness? The answer is no.

It is possible to achieve this vibration in solitude. 

  • The difference between pain and suffering is belief of powerlessness to change the ones circumstances.

  • The difference between love and pain is the flow of energy instead of stagnation.

  • The difference between solitude and loneliness are beliefs and energy flow.

Most of us hold on to our reserves of love to give to someone else, and by doing so we stop the energy flow within ourselves. That stagnant energy turns to pain we carry and it starts affecting our beliefs, lowering our vibrations and inducing negative self-talk.

That love needs to be let out and it needs to flow! Give love to yourself. Love your friends, family and even strangers. Do the things you love to let it flow. Do the things that make you feel loved as well! Buy yourself flowers, cuddle with your pets or even get a stuffed toy. Hug your friends and let them hear how much you care and maybe even love them.

That is the first step to raising your vibration. That is the best way of unleashing your heart and becoming that coveted mirror everyone wants to reflect upon.

The answer is love. Release the love you hold hostage for another and let it flow.