Emotional addict in a relationship world.

Emotional addict in a relationship world.

As a woman and I have coached clients who still believe into over the top, emotional passionate love. I am all for it, if emotions and passion [read hormones] are not the only ones governing the relationship.

One of the most surprising discoveries, that many singles find shocking is that couples that have those stable, functional, committed relationships – love each other tenderly, however they are rather balanced, easy-going, calm and from afar appear dull and almost emotionless. No, they are not lacking emotions - they do get mad, they feel joy and sometimes even argue; however, it all happens sans drama and with mutual respect and understanding.

The intensive loneliness course.

The intensive loneliness course.

Upon stepping onto my journey of self-discovery and perfection, I found myself on the outs with majority of people close to me. They could not understand the urgency of my obsession, why did I need somebody to share my life with? They thought that I was searching for my other half, for something that was missing to be whole again, and it sure started out that way – until I faced the truth that I need to be whole in order to be whole with someone else.

Upon the journey of becoming a whole and an individual I have faced an overwhelming amount of negative emotions. The most cruel and debilitating of them all was loneliness.
To paint the picture of the intensity that loneliness manifests as I described it as “…the heart still loves. It’s open and it’s bleeding out. It’s leaking pain and hemorrhaging love; love and pain so closely intertwined”

My Obsession with The One: Growth

My Obsession with The One: Growth

Let me be the one to tell you about beauty and ruggedness of growth.
Growth is a beautiful thing! It’s amazing, it’s transforming. It’s authentic and it’s raw! It’s a wall of safeguard and at the same time it’s pure vulnerability. It can hurt like hell and it can hurt beautifully. It can heal through it’s divinity and it can comfort with realization that no mater where and who you are - you’re safe and perfect as you are!

Boundaries
When I set out on my journey I knew who I wanted to become. I saw the healthy and happy woman with her amazing soulmate. I had a rough idea where I was. I saw the gap between the two personas and I got to work in filling the gap. Very soon through books and guidance I quickly came to a conclusion that where I thought  I was and where I really was had another enormous gap between it. That’s when things have tumbled down.

My obsession with the one: Real Men

Labels and Masks
Hipster, metrosexual, lumbersexual, pansexual, sapiosexual, asexual... we can all pretty much imagine how each of these partners would look, sound and feel. Personality, sexuality and aesthetics are so diverse in our surroundings. Which one is in? Which is more popular? Which one will get you laid? Which one gets you a long-term partnership?
I see all of the above as labels. When you put on a label, you pigeonhole yourself within that label, to conform, relate or identify. Labels are masks. 

We create labels to stereotype and expedite the process of selection. It’s time efficient to write off a hipster, assigning him a whole bunch of traits he may not even have and move on, possibly missing out on a greatest connection of your life.
These labels and masks create a specific level of demand, and men conform driven by their most basic need, as a hunter, to reproduce. Ooh - prey. Get woman now. Camouflage - get woman!
Women have their masks too. Most of them choose their own way of becoming prey, and some of them take on a role of a hunter. In our society we have blurred the line of masculine and feminine, which tampers with polarity in couples, as there is confusion regarding which role to play.

My obsession with the one: Online Dating

Online dating has grown into 2 Billion dollar industry and has been increasing its market share by 5% each year. It is very fascinating to me considering how many people I know for whom online dating simply did not work.
Back in my dating years I've tried many dating sites: e-harmony, Okc, match… I've tried outlets of spiritual dating sites and cultural as well...
How do you think I've met my soulmate? Speed Dating! As in 5 minutes, in person. In reality - that's all you really need.

Needs/Wants
One of the biggest problems I see with online dating is filters. We are expected to state our preferences in choosing a partner. Thus, we end up stating who we want, yet most of us have no clue who we actually need!
This was one of the biggest problems for me. One time I got exactly what I thought I needed and that relationship fizzled rather quickly. When we choose traits, physical features and other criteria we miss out on a whole myriad of other values because you cannot quantify good heart and soul (as cheesy as it sounds).

My obsession with the one: You Are What You Attract.

his seems to be the most simple of the rules - you are what you attract. If you find yourself complaining that you never seem to be attracting good dating prospects or all the good ones are taken - what does that mean to you?
If you are what you attract, then if all the good ones are taken, does that make you the bad one?
If all your dating prospects have commitment issues, why do you think it's only them?

Early on I've asked myself a question: if I am a good person why am I unhappy?

Back then I just got out of a string of bad relationships: a narcissist, a sociopathic liar followed by a relapsed alcoholic with a borderline personality disorder (who blamed me for his relapse). I started pondering upon the quote "you are what you attract" so if I keep on attracting these men, what's my pattern? The answer was - I found these men psychologically appealing.

How we clutter our lives.

A simple story of self-care

One day I was washing my hair and I've noticed that my shampoo was almost out. I went out and bought myself a new set. The love of my life went out and did the same thing, since he noticed that we're running out of shampoo. Upon returning home we've had my new set, his new set and, as it turns out, another set that was bought before, after a similar mishap, and put away. They were all good brands, better than what we currently had in our bath, thus I asked myself why and how it happened. I got my answer few days later when I was washing my hair and I caught myself thinking - "I can't wait to finish this bottle so I can start a new one!"
Aha!
My beliefs and upbringing constructed me to be frugal! I was unsatisfied with the product I had, yet I couldn't bring myself up to throw it away.
This is how we mistreat ourselves, fail to raise our standards and graduate to the next level of mentality out of scarcity.
Can you relate?

Why the Santa Claus lie?

Have you ever wondered why we keep on introducing generation after generation to the Santa Claus lie?

Every year there are more children introduced to this ideology, and every year there are heartbroken kids who find out the truth.

I was asked this question long ago and over the past few years I believe I’ve finally came up with an answer.

Little history:
Traditionally Santa Claus is the jolly old bearded guy, who flies in his sleigh driven by magic reindeer; A man who consumes cookies and milk after climbing to your house through a chimney. A guy who in his spare time hangs out at the malls across the country, has you sit on his lap and take pictures, while he’s taking in requests of what children want for Christmas. In recent decades we also found out that Santa’s sweet tooth extends to Coca Cola as well as to other brand name cookies and crescent rolls etc. Santa is a whore to appease and your mom’s cookies from scratch are no longer enough. Cheers!

This is a message from the future!

Have you ever thought about how cool would it be to check in with your future self and know where you’re going in your life? I am here to share with you about a cool little ritual I’ve created for myself back 10 years ago, and its been paying off.

Many people have stories about their intuition trying to warn them whether to make one decision or not. It is that gnawing feeling that usually comes prior to getting into a car before a crash, or making a risky financial decision on a stock market… A voice telling you to get out of the relationship that is not serving you, or that voice that tells you to call your relatives moments before their lives fundamentally change for better or worse… That voice is your intuition. Have you ever followed it and been rewarded? Have you ignored it and got consequences less than pleasant? I’ve been on both ends of that equation and I got news – you can train yourself to listen to it.

What if it is not a fight?

A story of significance for my Date with Destiny friends.

Over the course of Date With Destiny the topic of significance kept on popping up across the board. We as a culture seem to be infected with the need for significance and the spotlight on ourselves seems to be the only remedy that works.

This week I have been more of a selfish asshole, basking in my own significance, than I have ever been outside the walls of Palm Springs Convention Center. I allowed myself to let loose and immerse to the point of irritating trainers, leaders, my teammates and complete strangers.

Hmmm… something to think about. Good thing I was the only one who struggled with this, right?

I came to Date With Destiny with a gnawing feeling that something was off. I knew that I was not aligned with myself and I couldn’t comprehend what it was. On the second day, one of the trainers helped me through my breakdown and turned it into a breakthrough. That unnamed monster, haunting me, happened to be residual leftover victim mentality that had me feeling trapped and quite significant.