In July of 2018 I undergone a long-anticipated surgery. My condition of Uterine Fibroids went undiagnosed for years and misdiagnosed in 2017.
I have spent years of studying my body, all the way to DNA research through multiple companies. I wanted to figure out why I was gaining weight regardless of what I did. Doctors kept on dismissing me saying that I am fine and simply paranoid because of social media body image portrayal.
Over the years I’ve developed a deficiency in one of key liver enzymes that signified that I was malnourished, while being overweight. Following that was arthritis in my knees, to the point that I couldn’t sleep or exercise, later I’ve developed chronic bowel irregularities and my kidney health began to get affected.
During Tony Robbins Life & Wealth Mastery seminar, after undergoing a cleanse, I woke up and inspected my lower abdomen for the first time in a while, because it felt a bit off. I discovered a large mass size of a soda can.
I consulted nutritionists, nurses and practitioners on-site and they told me to go to ER.
I was terrified being away from home, on my own, heading to ER. My family history has individuals who’ve had surgeries for hernia, thus feeling any mass in my abdomen was alarming to me personally.
I was sent away from urgent care to ER, because they did not have an ultrasound machine. I had to go to a hospital in another city. While in ER doctors physically explored my stomach while I was sitting in the chair. Yes, they did not even bother to lay me down. They told me that I was simply constipated and to take laxatives from this point on, as I may have a chronic constipation condition. They sent me to take X-rays to confirm the diagnosis, where the trainee took the X-rays observed by a supervisor.
I was confused why they were taking x-rays, when I got turned away from clinic that had an X-ray Machine. Later, through my research, I found out that the standard procedure for hernia diagnosis is ultrasound, which ER clearly failed to do.
After being mistreated and dismissed in ER, I started to accept that that was what my body will be from now on: beat up, creaking, tired and unable to lose weight. I continued with constant gut health management. I did salt cleanse, regular fiber intake and regular lymph stimulating exercises. My health did not seem to get any better.
One day my boyfriend’s family was coming to town, and he told me that one of his family members had a tumor and he asked me what it meant. At that moment I was reading Lise Bourbeau book Love Yourself. I continuously scrolled through, trying to find answers to my digestive ailments.
The book describes emotional and mental connection of physical illness manifestation and suggests how to balance it. My diagnosed symptoms of chronic constipation, undernourishment and leg twitches were not matching up. Once I read the symptoms and mental/emotional causes of tumors - I turned pale, as the causes matched what I had perfectly.
I blurted out, out loud - I might have a tumor.
I recalled how my acquaintance had ovarian cysts, I read the description - my thoughts were: ‘sounds a lot like who I was, not who I am, but these things take time, so it’s a possibility...’
A month later I was at the office of my trusted physician, later referred to ultrasound. Within 5 seconds of the ultrasound - the doctor was able to tell me it was a uterine fibroid, size of a five-month fetus.
It was a tumor. It was in uterus not on ovaries. The mind-body description lined up perfectly with the symptoms and it was my underlying sorrow for years past.
I am still battling with the Hospital that misdiagnosed me, as they claim that my insurance did not cover 1 out of 3 bills they sent. The hospital I’ve barely spent an hour in, where I was misdiagnosed and blatantly dismissed at, keeps on trying to shake me down for money, instead of doing their job and dealing with insurance company directly. Even though I have contacted them on multiple occasions with proper information, their billing department has failed to even begin resolving their errors or contact my insurance.
My family is encouraging me to take legal action against the hospital, which is more likely with the hell they are putting me through on top of their incompetence.
Because of the misdiagnosis I spent months doing cleanses including colonics to keep my gut health in check, meanwhile my symptoms have evolved to the point where my whole lower abdomen would turn rock-hard upon awakening due to low circulation, as I was sleeping on my back.
After correct diagnosis I had to retrain my body to sleep on my side, as pregnant women would. My condition mimicked the hardship of pregnancy. I was equivalent of a 6-month pregnant female prior to surgery and the size of my tumor evolved over the span of 4 years.
In anticipation of my surgery it became more difficult to lay on my stomach, to get up and walk up the stairs, thus rest turned into a chore filled with tears.
I went through a major depression including a battle with suicidal thoughts. I felt as though I was ‘defective’ and ‘not a woman’
I spent a month battling with paperwork prior to surgery, as self-employment in its beginning stages does not yield high returns, especially if there is a lack of consistency because of physical health issues.
My first cheer-up response from the inside was: “I look good for being 5 months pregnant!!!”
After embracing my ‘false motherhood’ I started viewing my situation differently.
I had a maternity photo shoot to have evidence for the future court-case against the hospital. I was getting maternity massages as my legs were uncontrollably twitching for the last month before the surgery. I took priority seats on the train... and I got dirty looks any time I drank wine during the night out, because my belly would show. I kept on wanting to remark with ‘It’s ok - I’m not keeping it!’ However, I am only that funny in privacy of my own mind.
For the first time I was not hating my body for being out of shape. I learned to love it and accept it as perfectly imperfect and beautiful as it is. My body truly did the best it could to move me through this life.
All I have to say is that I am extremely grateful that I still have a capability to have children. I have a C-section scar from giving birth to an imposter in my uterus.
I learned that nurses are superheroes.
I learned that care-aids are angels sent to look after us.
As I laid in the hospital bed I felt more vulnerable than I have ever been.
The recovery has been the toughest obstacle I’ve ever faced in my life and I did not even have a child to take care of.
Mothers are goddesses incarnate. By the powers of their soul they power through their recovery and raise beautiful children. I don’t think we give them enough praise for giving birth - it is a sacrifice truly.
My recovery was painful - I won’t lie. It was quick and very difficult mentally and spiritually.
I’ve gained fifteen pounds while in the hospital and I was unable to lose them all till this day. To put it simply - there was pressure on multiple organs in my body as my fibroid 14cm X 13cm X 10cm was constricting everything. After it was removed all affected organs could ‘breathe’ again and they expanded to fill the cavity. Since water weighs more than fat [at least that’s what I’m telling myself] expansion was natural.
The other shoe dropped later as my recovery was progressing. A fibroid was an outlet my body has created for extra estrogen floating in my body. Now that the outlet was gone I ended up suffering the worst symptoms of Estrogen Dominance. I had insomnia and mood swings for days and later it turned into breast soreness so painful I could barely walk.
Now I am taking natural herbal supplements for estrogen dominance daily. I eat my broccoli and take omega 3 with other supplements.
I’ve taken on biking, healthy diet and more exercise. I hope to stick to my newly found habits.
People refer to me as brave for making it through this and for being transparent about it. I only I want to share my experience to let others know that they are not alone.
This has only showed me that our health and our body is the most precious resource we have in our life. I have much knowledge about nutrition and mind-body causal effects of multiple ailments. I want others to know that our bodies, much like our minds, are complex machines that run on patterns.
Take care of your body,
Take care of your mind.
Love yourself no matter what!